Have your funeral or memorial service
“Oh, I’m not having a funeral,” she said matter-of-factly. “People can stop by the house and—whatever—but there will be no formal service.”
I hear this now and again and, no pun, this kills me.
Your funeral or memorial service surprisingly isn’t about you. It’s about God and how God has loved you. It’s also about those who love you and healthy closure.
If the clergy eulogist does it right (and the clergy eulogist should do it right), this painful event can be peaceful because a funeral or memorial service is about honoring a life God gifted the world. It’s recognizing God in the life of someone as well as it is about honoring the gift of life. It’s also about how that gift of life can go on, which, for the Christian, is not doom, gloom, fear or nothingness; it’s about heaven.
And heaven? Heaven is good. Really, really good.
And this is putting it mildly.
The Christian lives his or her life toward the goal—the reward—of eternal life in heaven. In fact, in 2 Corinthians 5, lectionary text from this past Sunday, June 13, Paul makes a distinction between our earthly bodies and our heavenly bodies. He says, “For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, and eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands (verse 1, NLT).
This is news we should celebrate, not keep silent in any way. The tent imagery Paul speaks of is not just significant, it’s truthful. Tents are one thing. A permanent house, however, is something else entirely.
Paul adds a simile to this thinking about our after-life which is an eternal life far, far better life than the one we are living. “We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing (verse 2).” We do grow weary. In the physical sense, aging isn’t easy. In the theological sense, however, aging gives us time to think about not what is as much as what will be.
All of this said, if the Christian doesn’t celebrate the passing of this life to the next with at least some publicity (from an intimate, small gathering to widespread, community-based occasion), I have to wonder why someone who follows Jesus wouldn’t share his triumph in their life beyond death.
Let me speak to family dynamics and healthy closure, which I mentioned earlier, by saying I have planned funerals with some families. The daggers and dramas are overwhelming, hurtful, painful, and, well, awful. I do understand why there can be reservations about getting together. More so, however, I see an opportunity for a service to unite rather than keep family and/or friends divided.
At a service, we hear a direct and/or indirect message about finality and what is really important. What is really important is not a war that perhaps needed to be fought (though I doubt this). What a service does is actually open the understanding that time and love on this side are both fleeting and immeasurably valuable.
Perhaps you don’t want your funeral to include a 30-minute sermon on hell and eternal damnation. Make that desire known in advance. Pastors are responsible for presenting salvation; it’s a part of our job; but this message should reflect who you are. If you want others to hear from the powerhouse God you worship Wednesday night during prayer meetings, the very same God who judges the living and the dead (2 Timothy, 4:1-2), share this. If you relate to a peace-filled God who calls us to gentle rest through Jesus the trusted shepherd (Psalm 23), share this.
If this fire and brimstone message isn’t to your liking, here are two things to know: one, scripture supports that there is a hell and two, this does need to be heard time and again. People need to know.
For me, I am always blessed to write and share a eulogy. I am called to this specific ministry because at the time of someone’s passing, we have new information. We have a death date. This date may be sudden and tragic, or a long time in coming. Either way, with this date, we see a whole life for the first time. By this I mean, we see a beginning, a middle, and an end. There is a story here. In this story, we can see where God has been God in the life of the person we gather to love and remember. This is a gift. This is comfort. This is inspiring. This is important.
One of the hardest deaths we experience is the loss of a newborn, or the natural death of a gift still in the womb. Tragic! In the face of this great pain, I continue to find inspiration in those who honor the life that was. Again, this doesn’t have to be a public event by any means, but consider how important the following act is. A family had their little love, no more than the size of a lemon, not discarded as medical waste but cremated.
Just honor life—all life.
Value your life enough to have a funeral or memorial service. Value the life lessons you have lived and can be shared so that inspiration can be shared openly and easily. Value God. Value what God gave the world when God created you.
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