The crinkled Christmas wrapping paper
My mother died of pancreatic cancer on Thursday, December 29, 2022, six months after I adopted five children. My children, now ranging in age from ten to five, are full siblings. We welcomed their full sibling in late August of last year. The baby, who was placed with us in foster care, was then four months old.
You can imagine that latter half of last year was a bit crazy. The cancer wasn’t fully identified until the fall of 2022. Surgery was planned for late November, but by then it was too late.
My mom never had the surgery. She decided to trust her faith and her future. She chose to die at home. This happened a few feet from where I am writing this column.
Last December remains harder than I remember, save for the number of times the local ambulance company pulled into the drive to truly save my mom (that is, to keep her at home). The tremendous crew of care and compassion remain outstanding.
So much is a blur when it came to my mom’s death and my schedule, especially since we are a year out. I realize our memories can protect us from too much pain and grief—especially for me, a single parent to little children with a fulltime job.
Without my realizing when my mom did this, she bought and wrapped Christmas gifts for all six of my children. This was quite a feat because I didn’t mention how much my mom’s health declined rapidly since June.
We didn’t see mom’s gifts until shortly after she had died. They never made it under her tree.
What to do? To see those presents and her handwriting on those tags?
Wow. Ouch. Whoa.
I made an immediate decision.
Wait.
I told myself and the kids that we’d open grandmom’s presents during Christmastime 2023.
We came close to December 25th, 2023. A credit to my kids and their love for their grandmother, they did what I couldn’t do at their age. They waited. They didn’t peak into or open those gifts for over three hundred and forty some days.
We celebrate St. Nicholas Day in our house. This makes Santa and Christmas morning so much easier for us. To learn more about and acknowledge this saint also makes December so much more meaningful.
After decorating our tree on St. Nicholas Day, December 6, we just felt the right thing to do was open her presents.
I am so grateful there was no planning here. No emotional build up. Just get it done.
My children love and miss their grandmother. All too familiar with grief, one or two of them express this loss once a week.
My mom was a consistent, tough, and loving force in what had been their tumultuous lives. The five had been split into three homes prior to their meeting and moving in with me as foster children.
To say five young children coming from a rough and tumble background is an easy thing is a tremendous understatement, especially since we began as a family when Covid hit. Our only sitter (and my relief) was my mom, our next-door neighbor.
My mom did many great things in her life. One of them may have seemed less significant until this past December 6th. A nurse with training in making hospital beds with pristine corners, my mom was known and appreciated as a topnotch gift wrapper.
Those six gifts? It wasn’t just the presents themselves, which she did a great job finding, it was the paper. Sometimes I would close my eyes as my tears fell. The sound of that crinkling paper in their busy hands as they tore into their presents one at a time brought all my memories of all those Christmases with her back.
I’m not sure what you need to bring back this Christmas time. I imagine it’s something. I hope and pray the something is good.
I also hope and pray you value what you have—and what you had.
Getting back to St. Nicholas, one of the greatest gift givers known to humankind, I hope and pray one more thing: that you trust your faith and your future as my mom did. How? Receive and then open the greatest gift ever, God in human flesh—the very One born for you in a manger.
Hague,
you feel her presence even more, especially since so close to Christmas. I love what you wrote. I love how St.Nicholas ( important in my Orthodox faith) . My son’s name day. We celebrated in church that morning together, as you and your children were opening grandmother’s gifts. How beautiful…we were all in the presence of God, especially for you, as mom was present that day as well.
May we Glorify the coming of the Christ Child. Merry Christmas friend. GC