The law or love: Jesus chose one, not the other (Part 1 of 3)
The maid of honor at my parents’ June 30, 1962 wedding said the couple wouldn’t make it. Why? The two had had what must have been a doozy of an argument at the wedding rehearsal the night before their Big Day.
My parents would be married today if my father hadn’t died suddenly and tragically on November 12, 1999, which, at that point, was well into their 38th year of marriage. The couple hadn’t eaten the top of their wedding cake on their one-year anniversary, as custom would have it. Instead, the top layer remained in their freezer.
As a testament to their love and marriage on what would have been their 40th wedding anniversary, my mom took the top of their wedding cake to the very place he died, which was a logging road near their home. To commemorate their marriage and the love my mom will always carry for my dad, she walked alone into the woods to celebrate the gift God had given her to have and to hold until death parted them. She did this completely on her own. No one knew her plan. At his death site, she ate some of the cake that had been in their freezer all those years. She left the rest to the dry autumn leaves.
I can’t imagine a better act of love.
I said they had been “wonderfully married.” Maybe I should say they were realistically married. They did the lovey-dovey thing, but also squawked at times like they did at their wedding rehearsal.
My point is they made it. Some couples do not. In Mark 10:11-12, Jesus says, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”
Before I get into this text, which will be continued for the next two weeks, let’s talk now about another wedding. This one will happen this December at a church that likely isn’t the bride’s first choice. She has to marry at this church because she can’t marry at her own. Why? Because she’s been divorced.
If you’re counting, I’ve talked about two marriages so far. One made it. One didn’t. Having been a pastor for 10 years, every couple I have married has gone into the sacrament wholeheartedly. Yet you know what I know when it comes to current statistics: half of the marriages in our country end in divorce. I have married more couples who are now divorced than I care to count.
Some marriages need to end. They are toxic, hurtful and destructive. Some marriages didn’t need to end, however, and I want to talk about those because I hear Jesus talking about those marriages in our text here.
God’s design for Adam and Eve was that the couple would never part. Even in Eden, this totally perfect and blissful place, they needed each other. In fact, Eve came from Adam and the two literally—and beautifully—became one flesh because technically they started as one flesh.
Couples married under God start as one flesh, one body. You wouldn’t sabotage or neglect your left arm, would you? Why would you sabotage or neglect your spouse?
This topic is in three parts because of space considerations in a newspaper wise enough to let this column exist. Until next week, do not think about how you intend (or hope) marriage to be; think about how God intends marriage to be.
As you think about God and God’s intentions, think about His love for you. Consider if that love should be held within yourself, or shared.
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The day after the doozy, June 30, 1962. This is one of my favorite pictures of my parents, Mr. and Mrs. William S. Hagenbuch. Visit me and you’ll see this photo framed.
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